Do you know these kind of days?
The kind where you wish you had stayed in bed that morning?
The kind where comes Monday morning you still have not recuperated from the week before and you've got to start another week with an even busier schedule?
The kind of day where you know a lot of crap is waiting for you at the office but you might as well face it now?
The kind of day when you can't fall asleep because you're too tired, and wake up too early because of a nightmare?
This day was today.
Last week was hectic, bringing work home and meeting tight schedules; juggling between all major accounts who all seem to have yesterday as a deadline. I certainly can't blame my social schedule, as it is seriously reduced to two friends, a 34-year old obsessive compulsive woman, Sandy Shortt, who is obsessed with finding lost things and missing people in 'A Place Called Here' by Cecelia Ahern; and a 90-year old woman, Grace Bradley, recalling her days as a housemaid in 'The House at Riverton' by Kate Morton.
Today was faced with so many problems that apathy dawned on me; I just walked out. I was not angry or frustrated or sad, I just felt nothing; pure helplessness. I was stressing about today because I had to prepare four important presentations and finalise a corporate hospitality event due next week. Of course everything went wrong; the hotel room booking was the wrong dates; the menus are not confirmed, customers cancelled, Ron wanted his presentation first; but could not sit 5 minutes with me to check it. And to top it up, an important magazine editor is trying to get products off me, for which my boss said no to, but the editor keeps coming with dozen of proposals and I feel awful for saying no, because it ain't such a bad thing and I don't want bad press, I feel a bit black-mailed. Of course I could have stayed late, but for the first time in two weeks I had a social dinner planned with my colleagues in the occasion of one's birthday. It was a pleasant distraction from today.
I am so tired. everyday. My nights have not been helping either, with nightmares of lost friendships, missing my nephews and my dear hubby betraying me (it's actually a funny story that caused that awful nightmare). I can't find the much needed peace of mind on evenings either, because I have been preparing for my driving license test as it is required by the UK Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) after driving one year on my international driving license. Last Tuesday was my theory test, which I passed, and Saturday afternoon, was spent with a driving instructor correcting all the bad habits that settle in with the confidence one gets from driving for the last 13 years, like multi-tasking, which is apparently not the right procedure. That was bloody well stressful and threw me back to when I was 16.
Oh well, just for those of you who know me well; we all know how that's going to end, don't we? I'm going to get overwhelmed, and I'm gonna get very angry at the lack of respect from my boss and colleagues and clients; and I'm going to blow and make a fool of myself and despise myself for the next 6 weeks or more. Which prompts some words of wisdom from dad; pressure is like a pile of tokens, when the pile gets too high, that's when it collapses and that the burst of anger erupts; so I need to tackle each token one by one until the pile remains manageable. So here is my plan of action:
1) Ask Martin to sort me out regarding the editor; it will take him one phone call.
2) Ask Julie to help me sort out the hotel booking and meal arrangement for next week; while I complete my presentations and proposals to the customers I'm seeing this week.
3) Stop stressing about the driving test, I bloody well know how to drive and am a very cautious driver, so keep cool and book the test.
4) Apply for holidays; just a couple of days here and there to catch my breath and take the driving test.
5) Sort out the next regional meeting with Julie. Same thing as last year, can't be that complicated to repeat.
6) Sort out the upcoming Rugby World Cup corporate hospitality; that one will be two emails and one phone call. Hotel is booked and all I need are names for transport - responsibility of the sales managers.
7) Tell Peter to deal with his own shit.
8) Get the designer to do the flyers customers need, cost is higher but at leat it's off my list and briefing them will be quick and easy.
Seems manageable now that I put it down like that. Off to bed with Mrs. Bradley. Goodnight.
Cool! - Chad Knight digital art - https://creators.vice.com/en_us/article/bmya9m/chad-knight-digital-art