Friday, September 29, 2006

on my way to 30

Today I heard from Susheel, it had been months since I last talked to him. He's a funny guy whose first love is golf, and last time I heard from him was for his 30th birthday, and just yesterady I received an invitation to another friend's 30th in Britanny. I realised it is my turn next and I am fretting it. Which I find very surprising because I rarely question anything, I just live one day after the next. I guess I come to realise that I am about to hit 30, I'm married to a brilliant man, I've got a good career, nice home, good health, few good friends, enjoy gigs and art and I wonder is this it? Most people move on to have children. and I'd love to have children some day... but I feel this is all so superficial and empty and it scares me. I'm going to be 30 and I've done it all, what am I supposed to do for the next 50 years? Go to work everyday? Bring up kids? Cook nice meals? Join a pilates class? Explore the world? Why does it feel so empty? Life goes on and so must you said Gene. I'll do my best.


hammer said...

I adopted my son when I was 28 and two daughters 18 months ago.

Before the kids I spent my life working 12 hours a day,relaxation was hanging out with drinking buddies and a vacation once in a while.

I can't say I was happy or fulfilled.

My wife wanted kids but I was afraid of all the terrible genetics in both of our families with nearly everyone on both sides
dealing with heart disease, cancer and diabetes.

I suggested adoption and we went for it. Scary stuff. Once we had our son everything changed. You stop being the most important person in your life. It's both restricting and uplifting.

I was lucky and now I've got three fantastic kids. I really don't have time to worry about much else than making sure they are happy, healthy and well adjusted.

Parenting isn't for everyone. You have to be part nurse, part drill sergeant, and part psychologist.

I wish you success and happiness on whatever path you choose.

La Cremiere said...

oh wow Hammer. I realise I must sound ungrateful and then I read your beautiful story and it is very moving. My mom agrees with you that having children will change my outlook on life (she just wants grandkids! :P) Not too long ago my boss reprimanded me for not being scared enough, well there he goes, now I am scared, but it will pass... I just need faith. Thanks Hammer.

sushi-junkie said...

u know, my friends are starting to have kids of their own too.. and i see the changes in their lives, their attitudes.. they become wiser, more loving, more responsible and more mature of all a sudden :)

my humble and inexperienced opinion is that you'll have kids when u're ready for it :D no use rushing it although it will change your outlook on life and love forever :D plus it is a great responsibility.. :)

so as hammer does (n quoting him :P), i also wish you success n happiness on whatever path u choose

btw, on the lighter side of things.. do u know that interracial marriage (in ur case, western + asian genes) = super adorable gorgeous kids? :D my friend married a frenchman.. and i show their daughter's pics around like they're my own lol *i'm a proud aunt hahaha*

i'm gonna stop my stupid comments now :D