ragghhhhh. Can someone shoot me now!? My boss just had a go at me for loosing it last Friday. I am ashamed enough as it is that I could not control my emotions so that I don't have him making me feel like a complete looser.... But I spoke to Dad who agrees with Ron. And anyway, I told Ron that I wish he'd support and trust me, because it is not easy being a woman or just me.
My crime? I cannot dissociate my work from my personal life and social life. Maybe it's because I socialise with my colleagues and customers during my personal time?!?
I would love to be more in control and to be able to keep a straight face and look happy all the time and smart and strong. But below all these layers of strength, professional, good at what I do, pretty face, there is a vulnerable and sometimes insecure woman and if I don't get my me-time to chill then these top layers wear thin and leave me exposed to negative feelings like being the ugly duckling or alcohol or being sick.
Anyway, all is not bad. Ron was having a go at me because he's got big plans for me in 2007 and it will require me to be well in control all the time, I can never show that I am vulnerable no matter how tough it gets. The second good news is that I think that by showing I am vulnerable to my female colleagues, I showed that I was only human, they don't see me as threatening or wonderwoman anymore and all of them were a lot friendlier.
Now is a time to make my 2007 wishes
1) Learn to stay in control - show that I am equal to my male colleagues.
2) Take the time to make friends with my female colleagues because I need their support and empathy when I come back from being men's equal.
3) Learn to dissociate work from social from personal and make me-time a priority to facilitate the in-control thingy.